Loved for Ourselves or Despite Ourselves

I came across a video by Jay Shetty the other day which really inspired me to write this bit.

We live in a generation where relationships don’t mean much anymore. Sometimes people forget that a relationship is supposed to be between two people, but they bring in a third person. Or sometimes, they want the rainbows and the butterflies, but not the hard work that goes into maintaining a relationship. Let’s also not forget the couples who post the cutest #couplegoals pictures on social media, but in real life, they are a hot mess.

We want all the good things in a relationship, the happy, effortless moments; but, we don’t want to do any of the heavy lifting. We want a relationship which is serious, yet not so committed. Committed, yet not so restricted.


‘I love you’s are thrown around with such little meaning. Today’s status change from ‘In a relationship’ could go to ‘Complicated’ within a few days.

We meet someone we like and so we ‘take it slow’ or ‘see where it goes’ because ‘we don’t want to label it’.

Who are we fooling? Ourselves? Our partner? The world?

We tend to ask ourselves, ‘how does everyone else do it? How did our parents do it?’


We read all these books like ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ in hopes of understanding the other gender better. But we don’t realize that we are all human. Five random people you take are like the five fingers on your palm – each one unique, each one different.

We invest so much time in our social media profiles and fancy themes, but we invest such little time in bettering ourselves. We have to make ourselves better humans.

What we need to understand is that if we get into a relationship, it has to be a commitment. We cannot expect the beauty without the hard work.

Love is not about what you do for yourself, but what you could do to someone else and how you could make someone else feel. We need to tune in to our partner and understand their language of love. Everyone has a different love language. Everyone shows affection in different ways and expect it in different ways. This theory was first brought up by Gary Chapman. According to him, the five love languages are:

  • Receiving gifts
  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Acts of service (devotion)
  • Physical touch

Personally, I show my love by mostly providing gifts. But roles reversed, what I would expect is quality time and words of affirmation. So what I need to understand is that it is the same for my partner. It is very important to tune into what your partner’s love language is in order to maintain a healthy relationship.


A good relationship takes patience, work and energy.

We see so many people together who aren’t in love and so many people who are in love and not together.

Don’t let your past haunt your present. You know what’s right. You what know what’s wrong.

Don’t give excuses for not doing any of the heavy lifting. Love takes effort, so make it work.


All images by Pixabay.

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