For the month of June I got the witty writer behind Five Reasons For Everything, Aisshwarya to write up a post about the importance of loving yourself first.
Have you ever had the privilege of having a friend whose sole purpose of being born is to find a partner or as they would likely say it, to be on the soulful journey of finding true love? The quest is almost painful, for them and for you because you notice them chase the next person they meet, whether in a bar, in a plane or at work like a child chases a butterfly, mindlessly!
They say they are tired of this constant tussle through person to person and you can’t agree more because you are also tired of listening to their stories, and the silly mistakes they make over and over and over again. Your shoulder is now sore because you have lent it to them to cry on, far more number of times than you originally expected.
The moment they ring your doorbell you know you are in for a day where you would need extra listening skills and tissue boxes. But there is a lesson in all this, for you and for them. The lesson for you is to not give advice to them because they will do what they want anyway and the lesson for them is to try loving their own self before they go finding someone else to obsess about. Here are my 5 pieces of suggestions for those who are on the quest of love, The first advice is to take them seriously….
1. Try loving yourself first
Charity begins at home and so does self love. Self love doesn’t only mean getting regular pedicures and eating gourmet food from time to time and putting pictures on Social media. Try making a list of what you love about yourself, forgive yourself genuinely for the past mistakes you have made and define your goals in life. Invest in a better version of you, focus of your goals and spend time with yourself. Genuinely befriend yourself so that you ensure that you are not seeking a partner out of dislike for your own company or fear of loneliness. Do things alone, meditate, watch a movie alone, fall in love with yourself first
2. Set some standards
Would you ever do a job which you aren’t fit for? Or take home less pay than you deserve? Then why do you settle in your relationships? Why is it okay if you are unhappy, being cheated on or unappreciated in a relationship? Write down a list of qualities you want in your perfect partner and when you meet someone new, see whether they have the essential qualities from that list, take it slow, maintain your individuality and don’t go obsessing about them the moment you meet them. If the person fits in, take the relationship to the next level, else friendship is always a great option.
3. Don’t be needy
I have seen people who go on one date and then want to live with the person the very next day. They become needy to the point of being scary. Your partner is a part of your life, not your entire life, balance your life, focus on your hobbies, your job, your friends, even when you start dating or get into a relationship. Don’t forget your self. Love your self and then love another.
4. Don’t hop from person to person
If you have just come out of relationship, Stop, breathe, deal with your pain alone and with the help of your emotional support system. Don’t find another person and cling on to them like a needy leech. You are most vulnerable when in pain and make the silliest decisions. Take time to do things you always wanted to do and had no time for, cry if it hurts but don’t fall in the rebound trap until you are completely ready to date again.
5. Don’t linger on with decisions
If you have given enough time to a relationship or prospective partner to align them to a common point in a relationship and things don’t seem to be moving in a good direction and have no hope to improve, leave. Don’t keep lingering on and wishing for it to get automatically fixed. YOLO, right?
Try these 5 tips and see if the love quest becomes less stormy then you imagine it is now and yeah, remember, someone will pick you, choose you and love you but that someone has to be worth it!
And those are the beautiful words from Aisshwarya to you.